urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84 THE WALFLOWER THE WALFLOWER 2004-12-01T03:22:03Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:103825 2004-12-01T03:22:03Z 2004-12-01T03:22:03Z you can't hide <br />behind social graces<br />so don't try<br />to be all touchy feely<br />cuz you lie <br />in my face of all places<br />but i've got no<br />problem with that really<br /><br />what bugs me<br />is that you believe what you're saying<br />what bothers me <br />is that you don't know how you feel<br />what scares me<br />is that while you're telling me stories<br />you actually<br />believe that they are real<br /><br />and i've got<br />no illusions about you<br />and guess what?<br />i never did<br />and when i said<br />when i said i'll take it<br />i meant, <br />i meant as is<br /><br />just give up<br />and admit you're an asshole<br />you would be<br />in some good company<br />i think you'd find<br />that your friends would forgive you<br />or maybe i<br />am just speaking for me<br /><br />cuz when i look around<br />i think this, this is good enough<br />and i try to laugh<br />at whatever life brings<br />cuz when i look down<br />i just miss all the good stuff<br />when i look up<br />i just trip over things<br /><br />and i've got<br />no illusions about you...<br /><br />you can't hide<br />behind social graces<br />cuz i don't buy it<br />like everyone else<br />and you can lie<br />in my face of all places<br />just don't<br />lie to yourself<br /><br />cuz i've got<br />no illusions about you<br />and guess what?<br />i never did<br />and when i say<br />when i say i'll take it<br />i mean,<br />i mean as is...<br /><br />...as is... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:103523 2004-11-17T00:59:31Z 2004-11-17T00:59:31Z The Used Blue and Yellow and it's all in how you mix the two<br />and it starts just where the light exists<br />it's a feeling that you cannot miss<br />and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it <br /><br />well you're never gonna find it<br />if you're looking for it <br />won't come your way<br />well you'll never find it<br />if you're looking for it<br /><br />should've done something but I've done it enough<br />by the way your hands were shaking<br />rather waste some time with you <br /><br />should've said something but I've said it enough<br />by the way my words were faded<br />rather waste some time with you urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:103371 2004-11-06T03:55:02Z 2004-11-06T03:55:02Z Petey Yorn in high school, i used to have so much to write in this thing. Once, i posted a whopping 6 entries in one day. I dont know if i find that pathetic or not. Regardless, here i am. Here i am in college. The place im "supposed" to be. Then, i go onto more school. Grad School. soon that will be over too. Then, my career. Hold on, where in all of that am i going to be able to be spontaneous? Why is it scary to me to have a maped out plan. I find that to be rather boring i guess. Some people, well the majority find comfort in that. I find it absolutely terrifying to think that i will be doing psychology shat the rest of my life so i guess i wont. <br /><br />***i just want to go somewhere for a while and leave a life i once knew, but have the luxury to come back to it when i see fit*** <br /><br />is that selfish? I know theres no practaility&lt;-(is that a word?) in that, but i think thats the point. Today, it wasnt really practical to cut off more of my hair and pay too much for it. But i did it, and i enjoyed it (mostly because i was served hot tea)<br /><br />I think im going to call my 20s "the selfish years" . Because:<br />1- i know i wont be married/having children ( that was even scary to write)<br />2- i know i will do all the things i want to do<br />3- i wont devote my life to someone so freakin young<br />4- i want to buy expensive clothes, shoes, and flowers all for myself<br /><br />and how do i know all these things?<br />ya know i dont know myself completely yet but those four things listed above, i feel pretty confident about and i guess thats all i need to know, right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:103032 2004-11-01T23:38:06Z 2004-11-01T23:38:06Z rocket star music Why do i hold onto the past when it already let go of me? I continuously suppress myself and tenaciously hold onto the idea that the "once was" will be "once again". Why is it that all the "once was's" can let me go but i keep them stored in a file called "perhaps on a rainy day". It's disturbing really. One by one i need to find away to destroy the contents of that file. I need to let go already. <br /><br /><br />gotta move on and play more chess. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:102742 2004-08-12T20:02:21Z 2004-08-12T20:02:21Z its been awhile.<br />and the suns still shinin<br />and the flowers still bloomin<br />just because somethin has dwindled<br />doesnt mean im not me<br />so come along and give it a try<br />i know you, dont tell a lie<br />test the boundaries that were un noticeably set<br />because i know the water is safe to bet<br />so double down on me<br />dont you see<br />we were meant to be. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:102429 2004-05-16T05:27:09Z 2004-05-16T05:27:43Z hay mommy...you sexy..<br /><br /><br />mrs. sachs......<br /><br />opps =) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:102286 2004-04-20T02:58:59Z 2004-04-20T02:58:59Z ive had the ultimate block from creativity.<br />ive had the ultimate lack of doing the things i enjoy doing solo<br />ive felt fake lately which is right up there{in my book} of worthlessness.<br />ive made some mistakes.<br />and also some choices.<br /><br /><br />May B this summer ill fill up my depleted cookie jar. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:102002 2004-03-29T00:06:01Z 2004-03-29T00:06:01Z you know id walk a 1000 miles if i could just see you...tonight.......<br /><br /><br /><br />missin the soccer days urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:101679 2004-03-15T05:20:53Z 2004-03-15T05:20:53Z i think i love my life urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:101578 2004-03-13T17:33:19Z 2004-03-13T17:33:19Z it's that time again. hopefully i wont blow it.<br /><br /><br /><br />nicky, we need to talk =) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:101186 2004-03-08T21:31:17Z 2004-03-08T21:31:17Z a new major is underway. <br />im ditching the business crap and going into something that will make me feel fulfilled at the end of the day<br />it'll be more than "just a job to pay the bills"<br />la psychologie.<br /><br />then off to graduate school-&gt;hopefully some place warm.<br /><br />in 7 years...call me doc.<br /><br />ill write. ill teach, ill give advice and consult. oraganization behavior management..?<br />what ive wanted to do all along.<br /><br />**thanks rock climbing boy**<br /><br />California is more and more enduring every time im there.<br />i feel at home there, with my over sized sunglasses and sandals.<br />im at a sense of ease...less stressed.<br />It has so much to offer me...but i have to find it..get it...and make it.<br />if it was served on a plate to me...made simple, would that constitute as "i did this."<br />no. the feeling of accomplishment should be challenging and bring setbacks--in which those are overcome by determination and the mentality of "dont give up [on yourself]"<br /><br />in time, i hope to be full of those. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:100929 2004-02-17T22:41:03Z 2004-02-17T22:41:03Z youstupidfuckmotherfuckingassholepieceofshitpussygoodfornothingslutbarbrastreisand.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ahhhhhh i feel better now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:100735 2004-02-13T02:00:35Z 2004-02-13T02:00:35Z what is there to say about life right now?<br />i could sit here and complain about the everyday<br />occasional piss offs, but really whats the point?<br /><br />no one, including me, wants to hear me complain.<br />People have it so much worse than us college brats.<br /><br />We enter a coffee shop:<br />"hi i would like a double latte with soy milk please"<br />coffee brat.<br /><br />the guy down the way who has a little less than a dollar but hopes to get lucky:<br />"coffee please."<br />"1.00 please"<br />checks the coins...91 cents.<br />"...you got it"<br /><br /><br />and i think he would rather be worrying about a calc test. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:100507 2004-02-02T21:15:43Z 2004-02-02T21:15:43Z fuck you for kissing me that night urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:100115 2004-02-02T21:12:41Z 2004-02-02T21:12:41Z everyone PLEASE make sweet love to me.<br /><br />nah just kidding.<br /><br />but everyone...PLEASE give me your addresses.<br /><br /><br />oh thanks so much...<br /><br />Enjoy the below zero wind chill-i know i will* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:100036 2004-01-26T20:08:38Z 2004-01-26T20:08:38Z DONT YOU EVER CALL ME THAT LATE AGAIN!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />DAMNIT.<br /><br /><br /><br />XO;) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:99780 2004-01-21T19:09:45Z 2004-01-21T19:09:45Z Your words burn me.<br />I listen.<br />Your words are a reality by which i am blinded.<br />But i listen.<br />Your concern is avuncular.<br />I listen.<br />Your matter of fact thoughts and what you can see and i cant<br />I envie.<br /><br />But i learn.<br /><br />You think I dont hear what youre saying.<br /><br />**i do, this time** urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:99360 2004-01-17T18:05:57Z 2004-01-17T18:05:57Z if there is anything to say right now is i need reevaluation of my priorities and how i go about things concerning my life urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:99154 2004-01-12T20:12:46Z 2004-01-12T20:12:46Z Listen to Dido: Life for Rent<br /><br />All are excellent esp:<br /><br />1<br />2<br />3<br />4<br />5<br />10<br />11 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:98958 2004-01-05T23:16:52Z 2004-01-05T23:16:52Z More than ever I am delighted to be back in the zoo...<br /><br /><br />break was excellent.<br /><br />i spent time with people who i havent seen and that time spent was much needed.<br /><br /><br /><br />i still can feel it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:98723 2003-12-28T06:21:52Z 2003-12-28T06:21:52Z how does one actually fall into submission of others when their brain knows it's a choice thats going to go no where but the closets of ones heart? but one does it anyway because the moment feels so good that they cant possible stop it but there is a somewhat murky understanding that they are going to get hurt.<br />it's amazing to think that a cycle, such as this, can be so trite. Maybe one cannot help themselves and they are fully taken by someone in an attempt that this time...this time it will be a different story, same person. <br />One can come so close..so close that their lips will sweep against each others, their hands feeling each others skin, eyes connecting...but then a nerve of fear, doubt,or reluctance will creep up and as fast as one can breath in air it'll halt.<br />But what exactly?<br /><br /><br /><br />ill think of you...rather, wishing to be there with you... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:98439 2003-12-04T14:31:03Z 2003-12-04T14:31:03Z it was fun while it lasted urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:98153 2003-11-23T22:59:40Z 2003-11-23T22:59:40Z my old cell phone # is back.<br /><br /><br />2 cheers urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:97955 2003-11-18T04:40:53Z 2003-11-18T04:40:53Z i have a boy thats a friend now.<br />ahh!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dlcg84:97786 2003-11-18T02:57:18Z 2003-11-18T02:57:18Z i hate to post an lj about this but...<br /><br />if anyone took my nextel that was in the drawer in my kitchen...<br /><br /><br />give it back NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!